Sunday, June 28, 2015

The body remembers

The email hit my inbox
Then hit my heart
Two dates, right next to one another
Didn't realize it at the time
Of course, why would I
So focused on grief, this past November

Why would I place
The birth-day of one, after
The death-day of another
On the calendar in my mind

Except for that reminder

"Don't forget, it's June 27, Janet's birthday"

And then I think
That is why she came down each summer
To visit her brother/ my husband
Her niece and nephew
Enjoy some Texas sun
And if we had the time, some Texas sand

The date hits me again
As I realize the importance
Of the day before

The day I never consciously choose to remember
I even wrote it on a check, unthinking
So focused on the business at hand, this June 26
(Teenboy had his wisdom teeth removed)

But oh, now it makes sense
As it does, every year, for the past 19 years
Why I shut down this week
Move slow, feel out of it

Never realizing why until the calendar reminds me
You'd think after so long it wouldn't be so dramatic
Or I'd remember, at the very least, and plan for it

Something in me still doesn't want to be reminded
Of the day my mother left me, left her broken body

But my body remembers, every third week of June
And breaks, just a little, for her--and now, for Janet, too.

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